Life Is About Learning to Dance in the Rain The Times They Are a Changing – But Are YOU?

In this rapidly changing economic, political and social environment, you have a choice.   You can “hold on” for dear life to what once was and will never return as we have known it, or you can grab onto the one thing that you can control – the reality that lies within you.

This may be a good time to kick the habit and get real!  That habit is the illusion that we have full control over our money, our jobs, and our physical security.  The reality is that the only real control you have ever had or will have is the control over your own emotional state. If you continue to hold onto the false belief that you can control all that is “out there,” you will dig a deeper hole of despair and create even more anxiety.

Feeling powerless and helpless is a serious self-imposed emotional state.  In their book, Getting Well Again, Stephanie and Dr. Carl Simonton, an oncologist, state that one of the personality traits consistently seen in cancer patients was that of feeling powerless and helpless. Feelings of despair reduce the immune system causing not just cancer but all diseases an unfair advantage. The thoughts and feelings you choose dictate not only your emotional well being but your physical health.

Tips to Take Charge of Change:

  1. Don’t push the river.  Go with the flow and learn to be a better swimmer
  2. Choose your battles wisely and look for what you can change.  You can’t choose your patients or those you serve but you can change your attitude.
  3. Perspective changes how you look at it. If there isn’t a bonus this year, remember there are millions of Americans that would love your job.
  4. Be proactive – not reactive. Be part of the solution and not the problem
  5. Lead the way to change. Stop whining and start winning! Both are contagious.

Edie Raether, known as the Bully Buster,  is an international speaker, coach and bestselling author of seven books including Stop Bullying Now. A behavioral psychology expert and family therapist, Edie has also been a college professor and talk show host with ABC.  Visit Edie at and Contact her at or (704) 658-8997.

Happiness: A Do-It-Yourself Job

The pursuit of happiness is more than just a simple phrase or movie, it is the essential emotion to getting what you want as well as improved health and a sense of well being. Unfortunately most people seek it from others which lead to a sense of defeat, depression and even despair.  The truth is we are looking for the right answer but in the wrong place.

     Dr. Carl Simonton, an oncologist, wrote the book, Getting Well Again. He was the first to apply creative visualization and guided mental imagery to cancer treatment with much success.

In his research on some of the personality traits and stressors that might be exacerbating the cancer, he discovered that the more people were dependent on others for their needs being met, the less likely they were to recover or benefit from the cancer treatment.

     Do not expect more than 25% of your needs being met by a partner or significant other. Romance novels and even Disney convey the myth as portrayed by Snow White being without life, and certainly not “having a life,” until she received the magical kiss that brought her boundless bliss. The truth is dependency not only destroys healthy relationships, it eventually leads to some level of despair and depression. It creates a state of powerlessness and helplessness which are primary contributing emotions to stress and thus the reduction of our immune system so that not only cancer but the common cold find fertile territory to grow and snatch both our health and our happiness.

Edie Raether is a Change Strategist who is also known as the Bully Buster. She is an international speaker, life coach and the author of seven books such as Winning and Stop Bullying Now. A behavioral psychology expert and fmaily therapist, Edie has also been a college professor and talk show host with ABC. Visit and Contact her at or (704) 658-8997.

Steve Job’s Spirit Lives On A Visionary Whose Innovation Had Influence and Impact

My question is what is the difference between you and Steve Jobs?

The difference may be not be great, but the little difference makes the big difference.

Ask any silver medalist who lost the race by a split-second.

Jobs clearly identified his core genius and listened to his inner voice.  We all have one, but many simply don’t listen. He also emphasized that we never allow ourselves to become distracted by the expectations or loud noises made by others.  Jobs walked his talk and did “trust” his gut guidance and intuition and then with courage took the crucial step…Action.

Jobs also expressed a sense of urgency and believed that we all must move forward when the light bulb illuminates our path that leads us to our destiny.  There is no time to waste and “timing’ is everything, not just in the Olympics, but in our emotional and financial investments as well.

In 1985, just nine years after he created Apple, he was thrown out by his board of directors. It is not how many times we have been knocked down, but how quickly we get back up. In 1997, the company realized his genius and their mistake and did invite him back as the interim CEO.  The rest is history and the influence and impact of his innovative thinking will forever make a difference in how we communicate, work, play and live our lives.

We all have a core genius, but most people die with the music in them, never to sing their song. For more information on how you can discover and develop your core genius, I share these excerpts with you from my book, Why Cats Don’t Bark which will help you sharpen your intuitive intelligence and listen to your inner voice.

Unleash Your PowerZone: Intuitive Intelligence – The Other IQ

(Excerpts from Why Cats Don’t Bark –  Edie Raether)

I did not arrive at my understanding of the fundamental laws of the universe through my rational mind.  The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery.  There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the solution comes to you.  Albert Einstein

Unlike traditional IQ, with a century of research behind it, intuitive intelligence is a new concept.  It is a different kind of intelligence.  In recent years, it is gaining in respectability largely because psychologists are recognizing it as a natural mental skill that helps us make decisions, solve problems, generate creative ideas and even forecast future events.  We are beginning to realize that intuition is not just a mysterious gift or an accidental insight.

As you get rid of the emotional cataracts and your vision  becomes clear, you will find the walk upon your path effortless as you proceed with ease.   Fears will dissipate as you relinquish yourself to a greater cause or your reason for being.  You will feel in sync, not out of touch.  You will experience your work as an extension of your “self” or you very soul, feeling one with the process of becoming.  You will achieve a level of unconscious competence  where  excellence  and  peak performance feels effortless as the energy is allowed to flow through you.  Perhaps that is why Michael Jordan refers to this as being “in the flow.”  Other sports use different buzz words, although the experience is the same.  In golf, it is referred to as being “in the zone.”  Lee Westwood would qualify.  In the current world of musicians, Wynton Marsalis seems to become one with his instrument, as does any exceptional musician.  The question is, can we all achieve this supreme level of mastery?  I believe the answer is “yes,” if we are in sync with our instinct and we learn the mind-empowering strategies that provide access to the inner unconventional wisdom of our intuition and instinctual intelligence.

While all living things grow into their nature with a supportive environment, we must also have the courage to be different to make a difference.  We must transcend from success to significance.  As we gravitate toward our own uniqueness, we must respect the direction of our “future pull” which is our present self becoming our future authentic self.  Singleness of purpose means avoiding exterior clutter like power, prestige and possessions, which may interfere with the chief  purpose  of our lives.  Shakti Gawain, author on visualization, explains, “Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power and a sense of spiritual deadness.”

Activities and life experiences which derive from our purpose are not burdensome because there is harmony between what we feel we are supposed to do and what we want to do.  Unfortunately, we are often derailed and live in someone else’s comfort zone other than our own.  Our parents often encourage and coerce us to manifest their own unfulfilled wishes and destiny which, if we obey, is a violation of the soul.

Until we do the work of excavating, claiming and expressing our uniqueness, we run the risk of putting our life script into someone else’s hands.  Joseph Campbell, in his book Myths to Live by, warns, “The world is full of people that have sopped listening to themselves to have listened only to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave and the values are that they should be living for.”  Unfortunately, for many people, Campbell is right.

All of us are far richer than we imagine.   None of us possesses a life devoid of magic, barren of grace, divorced from power.  Our inner resources, often unmined and even unknown or unacknowledged, are the treasures we carry, what I call our spiritual DNA…the stamp of originality, which is the blueprint of our unfolding.

Human curiosity, intuition, practicality and logic are the fulcrums  of   personal and professional achievement.  They are the revitalizing forces for converting raw human energy and potential into sound judgments and creative ideas.  Intuition cannot be ordered, commanded, contrived or predicted.  We simply have to be ready for it.

Jack Schwartz, reknown researcher and author,  has a theory that at the moment of indecision, there is simultaneously a solution.  However, it may take years for us to discover that awareness and act on it, creating confusion and learned helplessness, as we become victims of toxic logic.  Yes, “look before you leap,” but sometimes we just have to take an intuitive leap and trust that the net will be there.   To be fully intellectual beings and experience those “leaps in consciousness” that Albert Einstein believed are necessary for bringing solutions to us, we will need to develop our intuitive abilities as well.

Edie Raether, M.S.,CSP, is an international speaker, success coach, and best-selling author on innovation, influence, change, optimal performance and intuitive intelligence – the other IQ. You can visit Edie and order Why Cats Don’t Bark, at or contact her at either or (704) 658-8997.

Stop Playing the “Blame Game”

Blaming may be your greatest enemy and obstacle to making your goals happen.  Making excuses and denial is a game we play with ourselves, but blaming gives uninvited responsibility for your behavior to another. Trust me, they don’t want it! In fact, they will throw it right back at you with triple the thrust. You now have antagonized those who might have been your greatest support system in helping you make the desired change.

The real danger in placing blame is that you convince yourself that others are controlling  your life and your choices.  You are creating a velvet prison. You have created your own trap and thrown away the key.  By blaming you are giving all your power to another human being which only creates a deeper state of powerlessness and helplessness – the root cause of blaming.  It is vicious cycle that you are perpetuating. Watch your language.  When you say things like, “You drive me crazy,” you are reinforcing the illusion that you are not in charge of your sanity or control.

If you are in a relationship where you are continually being blamed, refuse to accept it.  Blaming is an alcoholic’s attempt to regain the control they have relinquished in their self-imposed state of helplessness – drunkenness.

I invite you to take back your power and reclaim yourself. Take responsibility for what only you can change. Look at the areas where you are feeling out of control.  Know that you are a resourceful problem solver. Move forward with a strategic action plan. DO IT NOW or as the British say, “Bash on regardless.”

Edie Raether, MS, CSP is known as the Bully Buster. She is a Change Strategist and international speaker, coach and bestselling author of seven books including Stop Bullying Now. A behavioral psychology expert and family therapist, Edie has also been a college professor and talk show host with ABC.  Visit and Contact her at edie@raether.comor (704) 658-8997.

Optimism Is Not Optional

Optimism is having a positive outlook on life, but the one thing an optimist cannot view as positive is a pessimist! In your vision of the world is the image of yourself. Whether you see the glass as half full or half empty, optimism fuels hope which strengthens your immune system and thus is essential to your physical, mental and emotional well being. If your beliefs are more powerful than your circumstances, your behavior and circumstances will adapt to your beliefs and expectations. Without a neurological explanation, Christopher Reeve, a quadriplegic,  had movement because of sheer desire and belief. Optimism makes you bigger than your problem, thus turning obstacles into opportunity.

However, optimism must be complemented by optimal thinking which helps to eliminate unnecessary disappointments by exploring options and making the optimal choice from realistic alternatives. If the cost of failure is high, optimism may be the wrong strategy.  Often times, optimism may blind us from obvious obstacles that if they were identified and removed, we would reduce stressful consequences and be more successful in achieving our goals.

Tips to Keep Spirits High:

  • Change Your Language. Choose only positive words. State that which you hope for and wish to overcome vs, what you may fear. The nonconscious mind does not decipher the do’s from the do not’s as it only gets the general message.
  • Detach from Circumstances.  Don’t let the environment and adverse circumstances dictate your feelings states. Your emotions are your choice. Lincoln, who suffered from depression said, “People are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
  • The Attitude of Gratitude. When you are thankful and grateful for even the little things, you are focused on the positive which electromagnetically attracts more good things to you.  Remember, if you want it, GIVE IT!

Edie Raether, MS, CSP, is a change strategist, international speaker, author and wellness consultant.  Visit Edie at www.raether.comand or contact her at

Resilience: The Strength to Grow in Tough Times

“The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.”—-Napoleon Hill

Resilience is your ability to bounce back after disappointments or setbacks in these tough economic times, or to fall seven times, but stand up eight!  Accept the fact that life will always have its challenges so embrace them knowing that with acceptance we do take responsibility to take action and make the necessary changes.  We become stronger, more adaptive, creative and resourceful. The tendency is to seek support and happiness from the outside world when in fact it is our internal power that is often our greatest strength in overcoming adversity.

Miraculous survival and recovery are not occasional happenings but a daily event where people do adjust and reinvent themselves by following these suggestions:

  • Act – Don’t React.  Action is focused and productive and reduces anxiety, but learned helplessness is rooted in a lack of confidence and belief that you have the ability to cope. Make your mantra: “Yes, I Can!”
  • Do Not Dramatize or “Awfulize.” You increase tension by magnifying the pain of your circumstances. Keep your imagination in check.   Be objective and refuse to play that nasty head trip of “what if” which only feeds false fears and increases tension. Remember, it could always be worse.
  • Laughter Is the Best Medicine. Humor is like changing a wet diaper. It may not change the circumstances but it does make you feel a bit better. For mild trauma, laughter will often give you emotional distance, and the release of endorphins provides a more positive perspective.
  • The Power of Now. All you really have to enjoy and can change is the present so don’t overload yourself with the anticipation of future tragedy. It serves no purpose for about 90% of what you worry about never happens and it drains you of creative energy to better prepare vs. panic.
  • Adversity Is Opportunity in Disguise. Kites rise highest against the winds, but only if you give it some string and yourself permission to grow.

Edie Raether, MS, CSP, is a change strategist, international speaker, author and wellness consultant.  Visit her at www.raether.comor contact her at